These are strange times--and yes, some people might call them crazy. “Crazy” is a word I have always liked to use, to describe both the state of affairs--and of people. With a wife and daughter who work in the mental health field, however, I’ve been admonished for my use of the word on more than one occasion in the past--though these days not so much. Why? Because these days, things are really crazy.
Some, for example, might call this daily coronavirus quiz crazy. With cities shutting down, the economy crashing and hospitals on the verge of being overrun, who really cares about the bizarre text message I might have received from a family member?
For those who know me, I’ve used this quiz format before. It’s the format I use for our family’s holiday newsletter--typically, 3 pages of single-spaced copy with 10 “What did NOT happen?” questions about each family member and our animals.
Three years ago, I had brain surgery to clip two unruptured brain aneurysms that were found, quite literally, by accident. I was rear-ended at 50 MPH by a distracted driver while I was sitting at a red light alone in my minivan, driving to set things up for my father’s memorial service. My seat belt saved my life and I was mostly unhurt, but I got a really bad headache after the memorial. Sara and I went to the ER that night and brain scans ultimately revealed the aneurysms. They were not caused by the accident, but one was big and in a bad location. Left untreated, it might have burst and kill me. With the brain surgery that followed, the aneurysms were clipped, their risk of bursting eliminated.
I was out of work for 12 weeks after the brain surgery which left me with a 9.5 inch wound across my head and concussion-like symptoms--a combination of mental confusion and, yes, anxiety and agitation. It’s crazy looking back now, but staying at home for months helped prepare me for social isolation. Back then, about 7 weeks into my recovery, I decided to write a “What did NOT happen?” quiz about my brain surgery. It turned out to be great physical therapy for my brain. I had to relearn how to work on devices and in the first stages of writing that quiz, I worked to build a timeline, going back through texts and emails to find out what I was thinking and doing during the weeks leading up to the surgery.
Once I’d come up with the idea to write “Steve’s Accidental Brain Surgery Quiz” (BSQ), I also found that it helped me to concentrate on what was happening to me each day. Taking daily notes helped me to gather my thoughts and write about them which was more physical therapy for my brain, but it also made me more present and alive in the world.
More importantly, I remember being struck by something I saw on the PBS NewsHour during my recovery on March 17, 2017. (It’s is included in the BSQ.) The PBS essay was from Emily Esfahni Smith, psychologist and author of "The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters.”
When people say their lives are meaningful, it's because three conditions have been satisfied: They believe their lives matter, they have a sense of purpose that drives them forward, and they think their lives are coherent and make sense.” She continued, “It sounds like a lot, but that last point is something you can do right now. People tell me the simple act of storytelling gives meaning, or can at least clear the path to it… Making a narrative out of the events in your life provides clarity. It offers a framework that goes beyond the day-to-day. It's the act itself, and not necessarily sharing their story with others, that helps people make sense of themselves and their lives. And we all have the power to tell or to re-tell our life story in more positive ways.
The act of storytelling itself is of value—and here I am, at home again for weeks, maybe months, with a story to tell.
In my story-telling, I like trying to find the bizarre connections in life. How did we get to this crazy point? With my brain surgery, for example, many people had told me that my brain surgery was all part of God’s plan--that my father (and my Father) had somehow been looking out for me in getting me to brain surgery after his memorial service. I always responded that there had to have been an easier way to get me to find out I had unruptured brain aneurysms. Instead of plowing into me at 50 MPH while I was stopped at a red light on a rural road, totaling our minivan and sending me 30 yards into a farmer’s field, the other driver could have pulled up alongside of me and shouted, “You ought to have your head examined.” It may have been part of a plan, but you have to admit it was poor planning.
And yet, if I had not been stopped at that red light and if the other driver had not been distracted and if I had not gone in for brain scans...
All of this brings me back to the craziness of coronavirus. Yesterday, on Friday, in a group text with the family, Sara sent around an article about Steve Jobs, “Steve Jobs Said This Approach to Overcoming Adversity and Loss Never Let Him Down--and Made All the Difference In His Life” by Jeff Haden. Haden wrote that Jobs often spoke about how being fired from Apple was one of the best things that ever happened to him.
While getting fired from Apple was awful and one of the lowest points in his professional life, Jobs found that it led to all sorts of great things for him. He said, ‘Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.’
Connect the dots.
Tell your story.
Write your quiz.
What did NOT happen?
A. On Friday, Sara texted around an article from Dr. Judson Brewer in the NY Times, “A Brain Hack to Break The Coronavirus Anxiety Cycle,” about the psychology and physiology of anxiety, panic and social contagions. It’s great stuff--with concrete advice on how you can turn your brain around to short circuit the anxiety that causes panic;
B. When Annie got the text, she responded privately to me with a text message from work. She’s a psychiatric social worker at a NYC hospital. I asked her if she wanted to talk. She texted, “I can’t. Crazy here. We’ve entered the phase where they need to free up beds. FML.”
C. I responded, “Let me know when free. And you should not say “crazy” like that….”
D. Sara used the NYTimes/Brewer approach on me when I told her that I was worried about possible social unrest if this crisis continues and resources become scarce. Sara’s response: “Don’t worry. Even crooks will get sick;”
E. I thanked Sara for the mental health article and told her I was thinking of “publishing” my brain surgery quiz as a Google form. She told me, “Don’t. That would not be a good idea.”
Want the answer?
If you’re a subscriber, the answer will be sent to you as a separate email when the question is published.
Want more?
Here’s the next quiz in the series: Quiz #9. 99.6.
Here’s the previous quiz in the series: Quiz #7. Zoom.
Here’s the first quiz in the series: Quiz #1. Stella and Social Distancing, March 13, 2020
The quiz is explained here: Steve’s Stay-at-Home Coronavirus Quiz.
Here is an archive of all the quizzes.
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Comments, corrections and confessions welcome.
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