Quiz #90. Snake
What are you worried about when you head back to the office? Plus, my homecoming and some help from the fantasy gods in Steve's Stay-at-Home Coronavirus Quiz for October 29, 2020.
If you’ve been working from home, maybe you’ve wondered what will be greeting you when--or even if--you return to the office.
A pile of papers.
An unfinished cup of coffee.
Some moldy yogurt in the office refrigerator.
I’m guessing “snake” is not on your list.
It wasn’t on Sara’s, and yet, there was a snake waiting for her in her office.
On Tuesday, October 26th, Sara had planned on going back to the office for only the second time since March. Sara and the staff in her unit run a statewide prevention grant. They have been working on the grant online and also requiring the counties to mail their grant proposals, plans and quarterly reports to the office post office box throughout the shutdown.
She wanted to open her mail and packages to determine which counties had submitted their documents and which counties the Unit staff would have to contact. Also to be honest, Sara says that she couldn’t stand the thought of a “pile” on her office table!
A coworker who lives close to the office goes to the state government’s post office in Trenton each week to collect and sort the mail, leaving a stack of packages and padded envelopes for Sara in a pile on a table in Sara’s office. On Monday, that coworker alerted the team that she’d found a snake in one of the glue traps set in the office. The office is in a small office park, surrounded by woods and the glue traps have traditionally been for bugs. With the office all but closed, it’s not surprising a snake might make its way inside.
It turns out it's a garter snake and per Google, they give birth--to live baby snakes--in the spring and sometimes in the fall before hibernating for the winter. Needless to say, Sara’s Tuesday trip to the office was put on hold until an exterminator can come to search for baby snakes. He’s been asked to check Sara’s pile of paperwork because, yes, says Google, snakes can climb.
Working from home isn’t perfect, but returning to the office will certainly have its own adventures. I hope “snake” isn’t on your list.
In other news, I have returned home. As indicated in Quiz #75. I’m Sorry, at the end of July, I sent $40 to the Phillies charity foundation and in exchange, a cutout of me joined a few thousand others for a front row seat at otherwise fanless baseball games at Citizens Bank Park. As noted in Quiz #82. Promise Made, Promise Broken, I found out that I sat in Section 111, Row 4, along the right field with a bird’s eye view of Bryce Harper as he made his way to and from right field. An image on the Phillies website revealed that I was sitting near a dog, a baby and Santa. Good company.
Three months later, I am back home.
The cardboard cutout is in remarkably good shape for being outside in the sun and rain for 3 months. I have propped me up on the rocking chair in our living room, a reminder of these strange times. It looks great, though it did give me a fright first thing Monday morning when I caught sight of me in the rocker out of the corner of my eye and thought someone else was in the living room. (I know, I need to get more sleep.)
Tuesday night, the Los Angeles Dodgers won the World Series--and even that pinnacle event was tainted by the coronavirus. Incredibly, during the game, the Dodgers got word that third baseman Justin Turner had tested positive for covid. He was pulled from the game, but after the Dodgers won the game to win the World Series, Turner joined on-field, post-game celebrations, posing with his teammates, sometimes without a mask. After an outcry Wednesday, MLB issued a statement, criticizing Turner.
…it is clear that Turner chose to disregard the agreed-upon joint protocols and the instructions he was given regarding the safety and protection of others. While a desire to celebrate is understandable, Turner's decision to leave isolation and enter the field was wrong and put everyone he came in contact with at risk. When MLB Security raised the matter of being on the field with Turner, he emphatically refused to comply.
So now the World Series may become a superspreader event because of the irresponsible actions of one person. Surprised? Not me. Imagine going to a baseball game again? I’m ready--but not yet. “Take me out to the ball game! Take me out to the crowd!” Full stop. I’m just not comfortable being in a crowd. And knowing what we now know, I do not know how anyone could hold or attend a public event with a crowd these days without fear that it might help spread the virus.
This weekend, the NFL is set to play in Week 8. Since June, as noted in Quiz #62. Football Fantasy, I have been very skeptical that the NFL season would get off the ground--let alone, get this far. There have been schedule changes because of the coronavirus which have been headline news. It has not gotten a lot of attention, but there is a backup running back on the Jacksonville Jaguars, Ryquell Armstead, who’s out for the season. He got covid and has been hospitalized twice with serious respiratory problems, a stark reminder that though the virus is not a problem for many, for some, even 23-year-old athletes in excellent shape, it can be devastating. How will history look back at this time?
And yet, I admit that I have enjoyed the return of football. I like the diversion of playing in the DFS-style fantasy leagues that I am playing in and running. As noted in Quiz #82. Promise Made, Promise Broken, the basic idea is that everyone picks 9 players a week. Once you pick a player, you can’t pick him again--which means you have to pick 144 players over the 16 weeks of the fantasy season. If the players you pick for any given week score a lot of points that week, then so does your fantasy team.
I keep a grid on a Google sheet that tracks my picks so I know which players I have “used” and those I have “left.” I also use the sheet to map my picks, trying to make sure the players I pick are playing bad teams on the weeks that I pick them.
This is a screen grab of part of the color-coded Google sheet I use to track to make my picks for fantasy football in 2020. The player’s names are not included here as I cannot give away my secrets. It would also take me more than a few minutes to explain what this all means.
The league is run through a fantasy site called “My Fantasy League.” I set my lineup with MFL on Thursday, but you can change it up until Sunday. In Week 6, I picked Dionate Johnson, a wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers. On Saturday October 17th, word came that Johnson was hurt and would be “out” for Sunday’s game. I checked my Google sheet and decided instead to play Justin Jefferson, rookie wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings. I did not check the MFL site until Sunday afternoon at halftime. That’s when I realized that I had made the bonehead move of the year. I’d changed Johnson on the Google sheet--but not with MFL where it counts. It’s like thinking you sent an important email days ago only to find out you left it in “Drafts.”
It was too late to change things and as I watched the second half of that Sunday’s games, the slow-motion car crash of my brain cramp came back to haunt me as I watched the NFL Red Zone. Jefferson had a monster game, scoring 2 touchdowns and what would have been-- and should have been--40 points for my team in our fantasy game. IF I’d had those 40 points instead of the 0 points I got for playing Johnson, I would have won the weekly prizes for most points, a $100 mistake. You have no idea how much this ruined my weekend. (Maybe you do.)
In Week 7, however, my team, Lewis Oil, rebounded. In large part, it was all luck. Detroit’s TJ Hockenson--who I had picked as my tight end--scored a last-second touchdown in the Detroit Lions game only after the Atlanta Falcons found another way to lose after Atlanta’s Todd Gurley accidentally scored a touchdown with time running out. A bonehead move, it gave the Lions time for their last-gasp drive. I was watching and thought, “Well maybe Hockenson will score.” When he did, I felt that the fantasy gods were somehow taking pity on me for my Week 6 mistake--a feeling affirmed on Sunday Night Football when the fantasy gods also sent more magic my way.
On Sunday Night Football, I had picked 2 players for my team, Kyler Murray and Christian Kirk, quarterback and wide receiver for the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals were losing to the Seattle Seahawks by 10 points in the waning minutes of the game. The Cardinals had a drive that stalled so they decided to kick a field goal, settling for 3 points and hoping they’d get the ball again with a chance to then score a touchdown to tie the game. The field goal try was good but a Seahawks lineman was called for unsportsmanlike conduct for jumping on the back of another player, trying to block the field goal. The Cardinals decided to erase the field goal and take a fresh set of downs to try first for the touchdown they needed. Moments later, Murray threw a touchdown pass to Kirk, simply the most perfect thing that could have happened for me. If any other players had scored except these two, it would not have helped me. I had stayed up late and clapped with delight. Robbed by my own stupidity in Week 6, Lewis Oil had won the prize for most points scored in Week 7.
In short, I blew Week 6 because of a bonehead mistake, but I won Week 7 because of two sets of very unlikely events. (Just google “accidental touchdown.” It was an incredibly unusual play and hard to explain.)
Was it fate?
Pity from the gods?
Balancing the scales of fantasy football justice?
I don’t actually believe that somehow someone aligned things so that “my” quarterback threw to “my” receiver on an improbable drive to give me that victory. And yet, it did feel good and certainly felt like some kind of divine restitution--and I will take that. These days, we all need to take our victories (even imagined ones) wherever we can.
What awaits you before life gets back to normal?
I hope it’s not a snake.
What did NOT happen?
A. When Will heard the story of the snake, he observed that snakes are reptiles so likely did not enter the office for warmth. Will’s guess is that the snake was looking for food, likely a mouse;
B. I ordered paper towels from Amazon. To fill out the order, I got a box of Lucky Charms. I had some for breakfast this morning, Wednesday, October 28th. They were my first Lucky Charms since August;
C. Wednesday morning, I slept past 6AM;
D. On the recommendation of my friend Ryan, I am about to start reading “The Index of Self-Destructive Acts” by Christopher Beha. It takes its title from baseball guru, Bill James;
E. College friend Brooks sent me a comment, noting that he started watching “Ted Lasso” on my recommendation. He wrote, “Your taste has been questionable in the past, but you hit it out of the park with this one.”
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Want more?
Here’s the next quiz in the series: Quiz #91. “I’m here.”
Here’s the previous quiz in the series: Quiz #89. “Covid-Good.”
Here’s the first quiz in the series: Quiz #1. Stella and Social Distancing, March 13, 2020
Here is an archive of all the quizzes.
The quiz is explained here: Steve’s Stay-at-Home Coronavirus Quiz.
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